Wednesday, September 24, 2008

Self Defense in the World of Wally

The following is absolutely true.

A few years ago, I had a self defense encounter.

My beautiful wife was having trouble sleeping, shortly after our son was born. She was in the living room, watching TV at 4AM. I was tucked into bed, sound asleep.

Suddenly, the cats went nuts. They started hissing at the door and windows. Their fur stood up. Angry cats. Then my wife saw a shape run past our bay window.

She ran in to get me. I jumped out of bed, grabbing a sword(I didn't own a gun at the time) and the telephone. I handed the phone to my wife and told her to call the police. I checked on my son, then checked the rest of the house. From the windows, I couldn't see a problem in the yard.

My wife, on the phone with the police, looked out our front window, to see the prowler, across the street, going from one house to the next.

Bravely, ignoring the safety of my home, and the tactical advantage of waiting for the police, I ran out of the front door, bearing a sword and wearing only my boxers.

I saw the prowler, lurking in front of my neighbor's front door.

I held the sword aloft and fiercely shouted,"You don't belong here!"

To which the prowler replied, "I'm delivering your paper!"

That was the week we started tipping him heavily.

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