Monday, December 1, 2008

Black Friday Competetive Shopping Pentathalon

Event #1 - The Line Stand. A grueling endurance test. Competitors must stand or sit in the cold for a minimum of 3 hours before the playing field opens for business, while remaining on high alert for the start of event #2.

Event #2 - The Surge. The first full contact event. The moment the doors to the playing field are opened, the competitors must race to enter the store, as the cheap crap prizes will be snatched up by the first entrants. Bonus points for trampling innocent bystanders.

Event #3 - The Dynamic Obstacle Course/Treasure Hunt. An event with no time limit. Competitors must race around the store collecting tacky under-built prizes before any other entrant. This is also a full contact event. Elbows are the traditional weapon of choice, but not the only one, by any means. Points will be deducted for the use of courtesy or manners.

Event #4 - Math Challenge. Contestants must bring their accumulated prizes to the front of the playing field and submit them for examination. The referee will announce a total prize value, which the contestant must attempt to meet or beat with peeling plastic status tokens. Full contact in this event is grounds for dismissal.

Event #5 -The Great Escape. Contestants must rush their prizes through the parking lot, load their cars, pile the children on top of the prizes and hurry to the next stage, a playing field with identical rules, and a different logo by the entrance. Event #1 is almost always skipped for extended stages. Later in the day, event #2 is also generally bypassed.

What a freaking waste. There is no deal so good that I am willing to subject myself to the Competitive Shopping Pentathalon. I went out for lunch and a haircut on Friday. Spent the rest of the day playing with the Wally-Spawn.

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