Friday, February 1, 2008

Jesse the Wonderpoodle, Chapter 11

This muzzle-loader season was pretty uneventful, I did get one and missed another. You’ll have to ask my brother about his case of buck fever. One day the temp. dropped almost twenty degrees and was hovering between zero and five above with a very cold wind. As one of the standers, my toes started to go numb, then my fingers before the cold started settling in my legs. After six hours of this the only thing I had on my mind was a nice long hot shower. But when I got home the sewer was plugged so I had to go out to the outhouse for a bathroom break. I mean, bearing my butt to that wind was not on my list of things to do.

I’ve had a class “A” driver’s license for ten years and even while working in the machine shop I kept it up as my ace in the hole. But when I applied for an over the road driving job I had to get a copy of my driving record. At the cop shop getting my driving record, the young lady behind the window just started laughing when she pulled my record off the printer. The way I understood it was that they were only suppose to go back five years (unless you’re a repeat offender). I grabbed the paper and read it slack jawed. It was a full page of traffic violations.

To give you an idea on what it looked like: I’ve got fifteen speeding tickets...or driving awards, depending on how you look at it. I mean, were else do you get all those flashing lights and sirens going off and have someone in a clean pressed uniform come up to you and say “you’re a winner” and for a mere $99.99 for shipping and handling you’ll receive your document. I also wreaked thirteen cars and three motor cycles, being hospitalized twice. You know, just in case you're wondering what it's like to be doin' 70 and throw your car into reverse, you know, just to see what it’ll do. I highly, highly, highly recommend you don’t do it. Or maybe see’n how fast you can swerve in between the dotted yellow lines while having your front tires touch the white line on each side before turning back, I got up to 75 before I put the car into a four wheel slide.

Needless to say I didn’t get the over the road job.

With the job market being so poor I decided to go to a trade school. In early December I took off for New Jersey to visit a school there and then down to Jacksonville, Florida and over to Houston, Texas before heading home (4758 miles in six days). As of right now I’m waiting for my W2s so I can apply for school loans and grants off this really horse shit year financially.

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